Oh! You wild and weird woman! Is there anyone amongst us who is not weird? Who does not have a freak flag to fly? Even those that hide their flag and feign perfection, or those that offer pretense of being above the fray of frolic and fun - that too is weird. Isn't it?
In fact, that's the MOST weird; pretending to be who we are not. Capping down on our natural effervescence. Bottling up the joy that would love to bubble up and over - if we could only allow it.
Canadian director, Domee Shi, the 2019 Oscar recipient for Best Animated Short Film had this to say in her acceptance speech about nerds and weirdness:
"To all the nerdy girls out there who hide behind their sketchbooks - don't be afraid to tell your stories to the world. You are going to freak people out but you'll probably connect with them, too, and that's an amazing feeling to have. Thank you, Peter Docter, for believing in my weirdness and giving me a voice at the studio."
Thank you Domee Shi for your words!
It is our weirdness that makes us unique. It is the seed of our creativity. Lay claim to the weird and nerdy within you. Sign on the dotted line and own ALL of who you are! The world is waiting.
She was asked, "About what are you optimistic?"
Life begins and it stays beginning
Life does not begin over
Each moment births the next new moment
This is the optimism I am
The Great Shift
"I am!" I declared to the Universe at large.
To which the Universe crisply and clearly replied, "Yes, you are. We've always known this. We are absolutely delighted that you are aware of this now, too. Welcome. Make yourself at home. Help yourself to all that pleases you. It is our great pleasure to gift you everything you will allow yourself to accept."
We have no more control of the acorns that fall, than we do of the "nuts" swirling chaos in our world. We do not, however, have to stop and stand under the oak tree.
It's There I Want To Be
They asked the poet to describe his love as a color....
This is not where I want to be! Twirling in my head is the question, "What the hell does it matter what color I call my love?"
Take me instead to between the colors
to between the letters of L O V E
It's there I want to be
In between what is left forsaken - as though the in between moments are but a pause of meaningless nothing before the next word or action
No! Take me to the pause
Let me breathe in the the nothing
Let me melt into what I can not possibly know when I name and frame my love a color
This is the month our North American culture pays special homage to Love. This particular writing honors the relationship between all of us who have loved, and the loved one who has gone before us:
Do nothing, say nothing and you could be nothing. Being nothing in its purest, most elemental form is profound. Nothing is no thing. Unbounded. Unlimited. Energetic potential.
If you are no thing then you must be space. Space is room. Lots and lots and lots of forever room. Not A room, but endless space to play, to try, to fail, to succeed, to breathe, to be, to live, to die, to be reborn - or not.
Yes! Do no thing, say no thing and be no thing. Open your arms. Wide! Lift your eyes ... and fly!
Life after life they would meet again and again, always pretending not to know who the other was. This was the original contract they signed, eons of ages and civilizations ago. Their agreement was held in the veil of forgetfulness.
Their contract would remain unknown until each had fulfilled their human destinies; to Love one another with Devotion, allowing Space and giving each other the Gift of Listening from their Hearts.
Could I love myself enough?
There were a lot of things going on in my dream, as in my waking life, but as I stood on the beach shoreline, it was the towering, twenty something foot wave that had my immediate attention. It was seconds from coming down on top of me. With no time or safe place to go, my plan was to drop to the sand, hold my breath and wait for the wave to recede. Waves always recede.
The weight and force of the wave pinned me face down to the sand. I waited. I kept waiting. My lungs were at tearing point. I had to breathe. The wave was not receding. Rather, it became solidified laying atop of me, leaving an air pocket the size of a small hand around my nose and mouth. Desperate to breathe, I dared to let the air out of my lungs and took in three fast, short, shallow breaths...and awoke in my bed.
The pall of that dream hung over me for the next twenty four hours. Like the wave, itself, there was no escaping its message. My daily, waking life was a towering weight of never ending, always ongoing duties, errands and chores. Doing for others, doing anything at all were the reasons I could not do for me; could not, would not, should not nurture my creative soul. I was "needed" elsewhere - and elsewhere was suffocating me!
Hereiswhereiam is sustaining and nurturing me. It is, this blog is, the result of the "moving force" in my dream. My creative soul was screaming for air. Writing had to matter more than the reasons to do it - or not to do it. The matter, the focus, the energy I gave to writing had to bring to bear more weight than the wave of all my other thoughts, habits or patterns combined. Could I love myself enough to give me room to breathe? "Yes," she said. "At long last, yes!"
My first blog, "Who Would I Be?" was discussed this morning with my husband, Michael. He looked directly at me saying, "That's a good question. Who would you be?"
I was stopped flat by hearing the question posed outside of my own head. My thought was, "Yes, he's right, who would I be?" Given that I had asked, what was the answer? I was surprised, really, that it started to burst through to the surface.
Slowly, one word at a time with pause between them, "I would be me, but I would be me expressing my potential creativity." Then the answer sped up, "You know, sharing my writing. My thoughts, my questions. I'd be writing about what interests me the most. The power in thoughts, in words." I felt my eyes flash wider, "...and oh my gosh! That's what I'm now doing! This IS who I would be. This IS who I am! I'm doing it. The blog. I'm doing me!"
Now then, it might seem that revelation took a mere two days to unfold. My first blog was January 30th, and the answer to "Who Would I Be?" comes today, on February 1st? Wouldn't that have been nice, but that's not how it worked. "Who Would I Be?" was written on December 3, 2018. More notably, it took me sixty-five years to even first think of thoughtfully posing that question.
My walk into me has taken decades to reach. But it's never to late to pose an inquiry. It is in the sincere asking of the question that the template for the answer is given. It helps us out if we are also sincerely listening for the response.
See you again, for blog #3.